Stick It

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Stick Figure Cathedral.

I like these kinds of ideas that require sparse art because I don't have to work on them as long. I like elaborate drawings as much as some of my readers like looking at them, but it is nice to have a simple idea now and then that would not support an elaborate background.

for those of you who miss searching for the hidden symbols, however, I have created the following alternate version.

Please enjoy responsibly.

Of Puke and Professors

Bizarro is brought to you today by Unnatural Acts.

I haven't much to say about this cartoon except that I think it's fun. Horses are great. I've never once opened up a GQ, so I know nothing about the magazine other than what its covers look like on a newsstand. Perhaps some of you already knew that by the way I dress and think I should open one more often.

More importantly, my old humanities professor is coming to visit in about an hour and we've been cleaning the house feverishly for the past 24 hours. It's almost done, but not quite. I like having house guests because it is the only thing that makes us clean up, but I hate it because it's hard work and I know that it will be a complete wreck again not 12 hours after he walks out the door.

My professor is a terribly cool old gentlemen, and visits NYC from time to time to see theater. We might go to see "Hair" with him. What a "hoot," as the homosexuals say. (To be fair, many heterosexuals and bisexuals say it, too, although I believe the term was made popular in the gay community.)

Must conclude now, I have to run around the house with a rag and some floor cleaner and buff out the cat puke stains.

Shoe Art

(Click this image to enlargerate.)

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I'd love to start a blog that just comments on the art of other cartoons every day. I don't have time to do it regularly, but here is a perfect example of what I mean.

Shoe's left arm does not match the rest of his body. The line weight is heavier and it is wearing a suit jacket sleeve, while the rest of him is all Casual Friday with a golf shirt, or whatever you call those things. Jim MacNelly, who created this strip and was a very talented artist, writer and editorial cartoonist, is rolling over in his grave. (I don't know why they "roll," I don't invent the activities of the dead, I just report them.) Somebody hires TWO people to take over his strip and neither of them can be bothered to draw an arm to match the body, or at least steal one that is wearing the correct clothing.

I don't know either of the people who work on this strip now, but it sort of makes me wonder if all of the pictures are stolen from old art and pieced back together.

Oops. I just noticed that his hand is coming out from behind a menu. Never mind.

The Doo, My Old Band

A friend of mine from the old days posted a video of my band from 1981 on Facebook. Steve Dirkx played with The Telefones, a legendary Dallas band from the same period, and used to film other bands with his 8mm hand-held camera, without sound. He then added another recording of one of our songs to this film, which is why the actions don't always match the sound. I'm singing through one of the guitar solos, for instance.

It brings back lots of good memories, thought some of you might enjoy it. I happy to say this is a song I wrote, though most of our songs were written by my best friend and guitarist, Mark Veale. He's the one on the video drinking the beer during the show. Others:
Lead guitar: Craig Means
Bass: Colin Marsh
Drums: Myron Blakely

Rock n' Roll...

Dueling Hair Balls

What you're missing by not following me on Twitter...

Time-traveling afros fight to the death.

Yes, I know that to those of you over 20, Twitter seems like an obnoxious bourgeois trend, but I'll do my best to make it fun for you. It's just two sentences at a time and maybe a pic. Break down and give it a try if you're at all curious. It's free and doesn't take more than a minute.

Or, do as I have done many times and climb to the roof, shake your fist at the clouds, and curse the gods of technology who keep cramming this crap down our throats.

Sublime Subtraction

Bizarro is brought to you today by Garfield.

I'm a big fan of an online feature called "Garfield minus Garfield." For those who are not familiar with it, it is simply the daily Garfield comic strip with Garfield removed. The effect is sublime. A study in loneliness and insanity.

G-G inspired this cartoon, hence the asterisk. In my humble opinion, while not as clever as G minus G, my cartoon about the musings of a field is every bit as exciting as much of what appears on newspaper comics pages.

Another fun site to check out is The Comics Curmudgeon, in which the erudite author humorously critiques the plot twists of various daily strips, with an emphasis on the old serial classics. Finally, a reason to read Mary Worth and Mark Trail.

If I had the time, I'd start a similar daily blog critiquing the "artwork" in comics. There is so much to talk about each day and it would be a blast. But time is something I have only barely enough of to keep this current miserable effort going, so it will have to wait.

Thanks for taking the time to learn to read and visiting this post. Truly, you are heart cockle warming.

TV Twittering

(Click the jewel on the genie's turban to get a moderate surprise!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Witness Protection Program.

I've harped many times on this blog about reality shows like American Idol and how I can't understand why people watch them. But it has a massive audience, so I guess I'm in the minority.

Last night, I saw a couple of minutes of a poker show. Apparently, people will now watch people play cards on television. This astounds me. Are there people so lazy that they are not willing to move their own wrists and play cards themselves, preferring instead to watch strangers do it? And they're not even dogs.

I understand why these shows appeal to producers; there are no production costs other than the equipment they shoot with. No writers, no actors, no sound effects or even editing to speak of, just a pack of cards and a TV studio. Half of Hollywood's on- and off-screen talent is out of work because of this kind of programming. And the vast majority of them aren't wealthy stars, but just working stiffs like you and me.

Those of you who enjoy this kind of show are perhaps saying that if I really enjoyed playing poker I'd find it fun to watch others do so. Perhaps, but I enjoy lots of things – eating, riding a bike, reading – but I can't see myself watching others do these things on TV. Even when you make a game of it, like those wretched eating contests, I am nonplussed. I'd almost rather be waterboarded than forced to watch gluttonous twits cramming hot dogs down their throats.

Which reminds me – I'm "tweeting" now, I'm a twit, you can twizzle me or whatever. PiraroBizarro is my Twitter name.