Cartoon Scholarship

This is a real good deal for college students who want to be cartoonists. The National Cartoonists Society gives out a scholarship each year and you get to come to our annual convention and meet all the famous guys and stuff.

Click on the image for a closer view.

Deviled Eggs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Purveyors of Magic.

This is one of my personal favorites of late. Something about the goose/gorilla/teacher's matter-of-fact attitude about her "suspicions" makes me smile. Drawing her was a kick. (Random note: the character at left unintentionally ended up looking a lot like my cousin,
Steve, in Kansas City.)

I grew up in Oklahoma alongside people who actually believed in black magic. They were "born again" Christians and didn't practice BM themselves, of course, but believed it existed, would not allow their children to play with Ouija boards or dress as anything "evil" on Halloween. They sincerely believed these kinds of activities attracted the attention of Satan and would lead to no good. They were also completely convinced that Satanic cults were responsible for the majority of missing children in the U.S. as a result of their need to make regular human sacrifices.

I know there are still plenty of people in first-world nations who believe in black magic even today. Perhaps some of you readers do. You're welcome to your beliefs, of course, who am I to judge? (Other than a rational, thinking human being who can say with reasonable certainty that all magic is illusion and/or suggestion.)

Whether you believe in invisible forces or not, hope you got a smile from this cartoon.

Did You Myth Me?

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Friends for Dinner.

I could go off on another of my religious screeds but I shan't. For I findst mineself woefully arrears on mine weekly deadlineth and fear I shall be smited sorely.

Instead, let's say this cartoon reflects my own lack of expertise in the area of metric measurements (not to mention Biblical.) Like many of you, I was in public school in the seventies when the U.S. gov decided to get us on track with the rest of the world and switch us all to metric. It worked about as well as the "war on drugs" and our move toward independence from foreign oil.

All I'm saying is – God, don't be asking me to build the next ark unless you're going to explain it in feet and inches. Come to think of it, since you're all magic and ominipotent and stuff, why don't you just zap an ark into existence and tell me where to find it? Please make sure it has Internet, cable TV, and a decent-sized kitchen. Think "MTV crib" with animals.

They're GREEEEAAAT!

Bizarro is brought to you today by Scary Maneaters.

Okay, so this cartoon could be construed as being political and my readers often object to my doing that, but I think this is a good kind of political. It makes a broad point about human nature, not something specific to any particular party's beliefs, therefore not likely to alienate any of my readers. Even viewers of Fox News.

It is an immutable fact that humans are far and away the most dangerous and destructive animal on the planet, but we are so anthropocentric that as soon as any other beast touches one of us, posses of goobers comb the countryside killing everything that looks like the offender. Sad, unjust, shortsighted, perverse, but utterly predictable.

But to be fair to we humans, I think it is good to note that if any other species had risen to our level of dominance, it would likely have behaved similarly. Survival (of oneself, one's offspring, species, way of life, etc.) is a such a strong primal urge that it is not easily defeated. When we or one of ours has been attacked, it is easy for emotion to overcome reason and strike back irrationally.

Our mutant brains are simultaneously our greatest ally and our biggest fault. In the hands of a fool, the human brain is a deadly weapon. (You may quote me. Please. I'm dying to be quoted by someone for any reason at all. My ego is an eggshell in a hurricane, throw me a bone.)

Sorry for the mixed metaphor in that last sentence. I hope it does not deter you from quoting me.

One final point: Don't you think tigers are pretty?

Pun For The Whole Pamily

(If you want to see some big cartoon in front of your face, click the chocolate head's pipe)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Awesome Possibilities.

Here's the third in a continuing series of puns. I like unusual puns but don't often think of them, so the vast majority of the ones you see in this series are donated from friends or readers. If you think of an original pun, send it to me via email (found on Bizarro.com) or as a comment on my blog. If I think it might make a fun gag, you may experience the ecstasy of seeing your idea in the Sunday comics. But keep in mind, that's the only compensation you'll get. It's not a paying gig, it's just for giggles.

The most challenging thing about the ones above was rendering the college professors in chocolate. It was a bit harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to make them dark enough to look like chocolate, but not so dark that they looked like globs of motor oil. Also, without the mortarboard caps, there would be nothing to identify them as academia so I had to include that on each one, which crowds the box and adds a level of confusion that wouldn't have been there otherwise. In the end, I think it works well enough.

Drawing feet from a jillion different angles was no picnic either, but I've always been pretty good with anatomy, so it wasn't a nightmare.

Until Monday, "Keep a song in your heart and a dagger in your teeth." --Doris Day

Brat Walloping

Bizarro is brought to you today by Your Inner Salad Bar.

Today is a good day because I get to post one of my favorite efforts in a while. I'm not one of those sappy cartoonists who claims to love all of his creations equally. I don't. In fact, I'm not even one of those sappy parents who claims to love all of his children equally. I definitely love one of my daughters much more than the other. (I'm not saying which one because they both read this blog. You know who you are, pumpkin, don't say anything to your sister.)

Regardless, I like this cartoon a lot. I detest reality shows and celebrity game shows but if Bobby DeNiro were facing off against Lindsay Lohan in a boxing ring, I'd watch and tape it so I could watch it again and again.

Thanks for dropping by today, I deeply appreciate it. Until tomorrow, be well and happy. I understand it beats the hell out of the alternative.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: No, I am NOT advocating violence against women. Don't be an idiot.

Contest WINNERERS!

Yes, once again we have winners and here is what they call themselves and order in which they submitted the correct answers:

1. Randy ...soon-to-be proud owner of FIVE packs of Bizarro Trading Cards! DANG!
2. Abdullah ...ditto, TWO packs, ditto.
3. dcroberts ...ditto.

Thanks to everyone who played our little game puzzle contest thingy. If I'm still alive and in command of my faculties, I shall post another contest next Thursday. Until then, please enjoy my daily postings of cartoons and other nonsense, one of which will appear in this space within the hour.

XOXO