Sunday Puzzler NOT

If you're in one of those markets that publishes my Sunday comic on Saturday, you may be here looking for the answer to this puzzler. I'll be posting it tomorrow, Sunday, July 11, so come on back. Or, have a seat and make yourself comfortable. There are sodas in the fridge, one per customer, please.

The Flood

Bizarro is brought to you today by Human Ingenuity.

Every thinking person has considered at one time or another how the world will end. By "the world" we always mean humanity, of course, as if the entire existence of the planet were about us. It is a common religious tenet that the world was created for humans but this self-centered idea is one that I believe to be born of ignorance and superstition.

I was indoctrinated with this concept, too, and believed it for most of my life; it's difficult to let go of things ingrained in us when we are very young. But acquainting myself with the body of knowledge about the earth and the universe that humans have gathered with our nimble brains over the past several thousand years, it became increasingly obvious that nothing could be further from the truth. We are but passengers on a ship along with millions of other species of plants and animals, all of which balance rather delicately upon each other.

There is also human arrogance in the idea that we will end it all with some amazing invention like the atomic bomb – killed by our own awesomely ingenious amazingness. Oh, the tragic drama of it all. In fact, it looks as though the end of us will be at the hands of a leaky pipe.

As T. S. Eliot said, "Not with a bang but a whimper."

Saints & Thinkers

Bizarro is brought to you by Zen Dudes.

This first cartoon is fun for me because it has that circuitous philosophical reasoning that I enjoy. Since thinking is what humans do best we have spent a lot of time thinking about things that don't have a lot of practical value. Like the famous question of whether any noise is made if a tree falls in the forest and there are no ears to hear it. Or, my favorite rewrite of that same query: If a man says something in a forest and there is no woman to correct him, is he still wrong?

Since I've posted less frequently in recent days, here are a couple more cartoons for your amusement.

Here I have written a cartoon from my own experience, more or less. CHNW and I are selling our place in Brooklyn in the fall and I'm worried about it. One thing I'm worried about is that there is a huge, noisy, filthy construction project across the street that makes most days here fairly miserable. Our real estate agent recommended we not put the place up for sale until the building is finished, which is scheduled to be later this summer. God, I hope so. The guy who owns that property and the one next door (which is now a four-story apartment building) both of which were vacant lots when we bought our place six years ago, has been building things for the past five years, non stop. (If that last sentence is confusing, it is because they've been jackhammering the street outside my window for the past two days.) Is there any legal precedent for compensation for noise and filth of this sort?

Our third cartoon today is just a bit of oddball fun for no particular reason. I named the character Cliff after a good friend. Though he looks nothing like this and does not to my knowledge stand directly in front of the sun, he does have a habit of appearing saintly. He's just a nice guy, though.

More About Smoking

I wrote about smoking laws a few days back and got a lot of comments, mostly angry ones. I answered many of these comments with my own comments but people typically don't read those and I keep getting the same accusations and derisions, so I thought I'd post my updated thoughts about smoking laws here.

1. Yes, I agree that second-hand smoke can be a health hazard. My argument is that occasionally passing a person on the street who is smoking will not give you cancer. (Note to asthma sufferers: I'm not talking about asthma here.)

2. I do NOT believe that ALL restaurants and bars should allow smoking. I hated those days, too. I'm saying that ALL restaurants and bars should not be REQUIRED to ban it. Most people do not like smoke and would choose smoke-free establishments so there would be plenty of them to choose from. Simple supply and demand. A small percentage would allow smoking, thus giving waitpersons and bartenders plenty of options for working in a smoke-free environment or one that allows smoking. (Note to anyone feeling indignation at this moment: I am NOT saying that you or your loved ones will have to work in a smoke-filled room. This is purely conjecture on my part. Just my opinion; life isn't perfect, neither am I.)

3. I do NOT deny that smoking is a health hazard. My point is only that it is a long-term hazard for some people, not a death sentence for anyone who smells it wafting by on a windy day.

4. Yes, smoke smells bad to non-smokers. That's reason enough to ban it in public buildings. You're right. I agree. We smokers are despicable.

I hope this decree is taken in the spirit of reconciliation in which it is intended. Yes, I smoke cigars, but I won't do it in your home, church or place of business unless you invite me to.

Thanks for reading and please don't hate me. Now check out the next post, which features a cartoon.

Weird and Wonderful

(Click on the cartoon for a larger, prettier version)

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Cast of "Wicked".

Every now and then a cartoon pops into my head and I instantly know it's good. I usually smile and jot it down quickly then take the rest of the day off drinking champagne on my yacht off the coast of Monaco. This was such a cartoon. The theme and caption are so ripe, so low-hanging that I still can't believe something like this one hasn't been done before. It probably has.

Someone wrote to me and asked if I was referring to a specific politician or circumstance, but of course I was not. This cartoon says a lot about most of the people who get into politics, especially at the upper levels. Not all, mind you, but the overwhelming majority (in my opinion). If you have a favorite politician that you really believe in, just tell yourself I'm not referring to him or her.

On another topic, yesterday I was driving through Manhattan and saw a woman crossing the street about a half block ahead. She was about 5' 3", thin, and was wearing a lime green, tight-fitting, sleeveless, short-shorts-jumpsuit sort of thing. Kind of like a one-piece swimsuit. She had a bright yellow, wide belt and was carrying a bright pink purse which matched her high heel shoes. The sides of her head were shaved bald with a patch of hair on top like a beret, which had been died the same bright yellow as her belt. She also had quite a few earrings. At first I thought, "There's an unusual looking young woman," but when I passed her I saw that she was likely in her 70s. (A glimpse of CHNW's future?)

I love that about New York. If I hadn't been riding my motorcycle, I would have whipped out my phone and grabbed a picture.

Have a dandy holiday weekend, American readers.

Bizarro iPhone App!!

Four quick facts about the Bizarro iPhone app:

1. Live content each day. What common peasants see in the newspaper today, super-high-tech coolios like you will see on your phone.

2. A year's worth of searchable archive at any given moment.

3. Only $1.99 per year. (That's all?! Are you freakin' kidding me?!) No, I am not.

4. Has magical ability to improve your sex life. *

5. The homepage is really long. Click on that picture I put here and measure it. Long.

Spread the word, spread the love, keep your poison ivy to yourself.
Your pal,
Dan Piraro

*depends on individual level of faith

Humor Formula

Bizarro is brought to you today by Invaders.

If there is one thing I've learned in my bazillion years as a syndicated cartoonist it is that there are lots of people who don't get any given cartoon. Especially if it has a history reference in it.

For those folks, the British Invasion is the name given to the many British rock bands in the late sixties that were so very popular in the United States. The term was a play on words in reference to the British invasion of the colonies during the American Revolutionary War. The War of 1812 would be another famous example of the British invading something.

Today's cartoon formula: Old guy still dressing like a mod from the sixties attempts to hit on young woman by making an outdated reference and she shoots him down with history. Who said that stuff we learned in school wouldn't come in handy some day?