SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

By far the most talented and unusual comic genius I know is performing in San Francisco in about 10 days. I highly recommend you go see his show if you're in that area, or highly recommend it to your Bay Area friends. This guy does not disappoint and every one of his shows is a unique experience. He's some kind of strange performance art/comedian/philosopher/philatelist hybrid. He defies description. I'm not kidding.

WILL FRANKEN RISES FROM THE ASHES
TWO NIGHTS ONLY
The PURPLE ONION
140 COLUMBUS AVENUE, SAN FRANCISCO
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 1st AND SATURDAY, OCTOBER 2nd
8pm BOTH NIGHTS
ONLY $20 AT THE DOOR

If I were within 200 miles of SF on those dates, I 'd see both shows. Spread the word.


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Radar Nudity

Bizarro is brought to you today by Naked Hikers.

I'm not sure how I feel about this air traffic control cartoon. It's completely unrealistic, of course, the dude at the radar would know that something was wrong long before it got to this point. But I suppose the visual is sort of fun, the big dot on the screen then the big dot on the plane's nose. Whatever. A cartoon-a-day for over 25 years, they can't all be classics.

This Adam and Eve cartoon from 2000 is a bit more fun, I believe. When I was a kid being indoctrinated by nuns in Catholic school, I noticed that all of the pictures of Adam and Eve "before the fall" had expertly-placed leaves to hide their naughty bits.

By the time I was eight years old I could see that nothing about that story made any sense but I wasn't confident enough to dispute it publicly until many years later. It's amazing the power that early programming has over a person. You can convince a small child of absolutely anything and it will follow them for life like the genital-hiding foliage of the Old Testament. If people weren't told about god until they were adults, religions of any kind would have almost no power. Imagine trying to talk an adult who did not already believe in an invisible magic guy in the sky that flying a plane into a building would be a good idea.


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Freaks

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nut-Gathering Robots.

I'm proud to present to you today one of my favorite cartoons in ages. The 21st Century Freakshow is brilliant, and I can say that without fear of immodesty because I didn't write it. (Damn!) I think I did a good job of drawing it (be sure to click it to see the larger version) but the original idea and sketch, pretty much in this form, came from my brilliant friend, colleague, and occasional collaborator, Wayno. I hate his guts. And I love him for donating this idea to Bizarro. He's a mensch.

The first state fair I ever attended was in Tulsa, Oklahoma around 1972 or so and back then they still had the old-school freak shows which consisted mostly of deformed people in cheap costumes. The "Abominable Snowman" was a guy with elephantitis of the feet, wearing a fake-fur caveman outfit and holding a big club. The "Alligator Girl" was a very old woman in a bikini whose entire body was covered in a scaly skin disorder of some kind. They sat all day in a plywood cubicle sort of thing inside a tent and you paid your money and went up and looked over the wall to see them. The look on their faces could be described as zombiesque and who could blame them? It's also worth noting that one of the attractions was invariably "The Fat Lady." At the time, a 300 lbs. woman was a rare sight, but they were no bigger than the average Walmart shopper of today.

Though still not to my taste, the freak shows of today are much more interesting, for my money. They are primarily people who do really weird things, like picking up a Buick by connecting a chain to the loop in their pierced tongue, or someone who has tattooed their entire body with all 44 presidents of The United States. I'm glad the old freak shows are gone, but I'm also glad I got to see one before they disappeared. I'm not sure why, just one of those odd experiences that one can appreciate in retrospect. At the time, however, I found it sad and haunting.

Speaking of freaks, next up is this gorilla cartoon which probably isn't all that funny to non-vegan folks. When you tell people you don't eat any animal products, the first question they often ask is "where do you get your protein?" The idea that humans need mounds of bloody animal protein to be strong and healthy is medically untrue; a myth perpetuated by the meat and dairy industries. There is plenty enough protein in plants to be healthy and strong, as any of the many huge, strong herbivores can attest: gorillas, rhinos, giraffes, cattle, etc. Children raised on vegan diets (after they finish their own mother's milk, of course) are many times less likely to develop most of your big diseases like cancers, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, etc. And they grow just as tall (but not as wide) as their burger-eating peers.

Don't forget to tell your NY area friends to come to The Steam Powered Hour on Sunday night where I'll be doing some music and comedy. Empty rooms are not good for comedy.

Money Ass Hat

Bizarro is brought to you today by Missing Relief.

Gosh, I've missed you. I meant to post some cartoons yesterday but got swept up into the UFO of responsibility and was anally probed late into the night. But here I am today, perched on a foam rubber doughnut.

If anyone enjoys meaningless historical research, see if you can find out where the cliche bag full of money with a dollar sign on the outside came from. I'm guessing it was invented for a cartoon of some sort, but you never know. Perhaps it was a standard in vaudeville or maybe banks really did put money in those kind of bags to keep them from being confused with laundry.

I also wonder if anyone has ever shown up to rob a bank and forgotten to bring anything to put the money in. What if the teller runs all over the place and can't find anything appropriate? Meanwhile, the robber waits at the window threatening to shoot him/her but knows that's not going to speed up the process. Then the police arrive and the forgetful robber is busted. Another great reason to bring your canvas shopping bags with you each time you leave the house, folks.

This big hat cartoon makes me smile, but I'm afraid the sign is a little confusing. I meant for it be say that backpacks as well as hats larger than 10 gallons are to be checked at the door, but you could read it to mean that backpacks larger than ten gallons as well as hats larger than ten gallons... which is screwy. Oh well, no point in over thinking it now.

Today's offering from the Cartoon Time Machine is an old favorite of a number of readers – presumably those who do not like their boss. It's always fun to find a way to make a point that would otherwise be rejected by newspaper editors; in this case calling the boss a horse's ass.

More tomorrow, or, if the UFO comes back, on Saturday.


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Music Comedy

Oh yeah, Oh yeah...

I'm doing a variety show thing in NYC this coming Sunday night, September 19, 2010. There will be music and comedy by several performers, two of whom will be me. I'll do a ten-minute set of comedy, then later in the show I'll be performing one of my original songs (not a comedy song) about Brooklyn. It's called "Brooklyn."

The show is hosted by my buddy, Matthew Diffee, famed cartoonist of The New Yorker and fellow former Texan. Please come by if you're in the area, please send your area friends if you're not.

Tickets are $10 at the door or $7 in advance at www.nuyorican.org TICKETS AND INFO

September 19th 7:00pm
Nuyorican Poets Cafe
236 E. 3rd Street (between ave B and C)
New York, NY

Hope to see you there.


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Earth Hat

Bizarro is brought to you today by Vegan Chicken Strips.

Just got back from my two comedy things in Santa Rosa, California, home of the Charles Schulz Museum and am happy to report they both went well and we had a great time. Thanks to those of you who came to the shows, it was fun meeting you. (Except for you, Hoyt. Never contact me again.)

The first cartoon shown here is a take on the cliche, "Let me through I'm a doctor" deal. In this case, the cartoony-looking guy has slipped on a banana peel and only a cartoonist will do. In my continuing habit of honoring Alfred Hitchcock, I appear as the cartoonist. My good friend and colleague, Wayno, came up with this idea. We had different ideas about this cartoon which we didn't discover until I published it and we got to chatting. He explains here why his original victim was a wealthy dandy, whereas I always think of the fallen slapstick victim as a blue-collar dude, like the moving guy who gets crushed by the piano.

This second cartoon is fairly odd even for me, which is what I like about it. I often notice bored couples in restaurants who seem not to say a word during their entire dining experience, even while waiting for the food. CHNW talks so much (even when she's alone) that I doubt that will ever happen to us. It always makes me sad to see this, but I could be assuming too much. Maybe they're as happy as anyone else, they just don't like to gab about it all the time.

Cartoon three is from the archives of Bizarro Headquarters. Keith Rust is an actual friend of mine. I didn't choose him for any particular reason, just thought he'd be a good subject for this gag. This is the sort of classically surreal gag that I really love and don't come up with nearly often enough.

More tomorrow, don't be late!

Ant Vamps

Bizarro is brought to you today by Wrong Babysitter.

This is the second ant cartoon I've done in the past couple of weeks. A friend of mine said, "Do an ant cartoon," and I started thinking about it. Maybe I'll come up with more, dunno.

While researching pictures of ants online, I saw these ones with the big scary jaws and that's what gave me the idea of adding vampire fangs. Not very scary.


Today's dusty mummy cartoon from the archive is from 1998. For those of you who are familiar with the laws of perspective, you'll enjoy this view from the advanced principles course.

Finally, I'm on my way to the San Francisco Bay Area for a couple of appearances (I'll be at the Schulz Museum Saturday from 1pm to 4:30pm) so I won't be posting again until next Tuesday, Sept 14. Hope to see you then.

By the way, I'll be doing a short comedy set and singing an original song at a dandy variety show in NYC on Sunday, Sept 19th. If you're in the area, drop by, golldernit. Famed cartoonist from The New Yorker, Matthew Diffee, will be backing me up on banjo. For reals.

The Steam Powered Hour
Sept 19th, 7 pm
at the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe
236 East 3rd St.
between Ave B and C
212-505-8183

Tickets haven't gone on sale yet, I'll announce it again next week with a link.
Have a great weekend.


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