Not My Leak

WTF? First, I am accused of throwing a cable guy off my roof (see yesterday's post) now the WikiLeaking thing. The spelling is different, though.

(click pic to enlarge)


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Law of Cable

Bizarro is brought to you today by New York Living.

The weather here in Brooklyn today is less than what one would hope for if one wanted to sunbathe nude on the roof of one's building. Which I do not, but it's still nice to know I have that option if the whim should hit me. But I do not have that option today, at least not unless I want to lose extremities I may want to use again later. The locals call it "winter," but I call it "way-too-ass-biting-cold-and-it-gets-dark-too-early-why-haven't-I-moved-to-the-tropics-yet?"

Speaking of the roof of my building, CHNW (wife) and I recently received a letter from a lawyer informing us that we are being sued because a cable TV worker tripped over some debris on our roof, fell into our backyard, crashed through our patio furniture and broke his back. This struck us as odd since we both work at home, our patio furniture is still in tact, and neither of us can recall any ambulance workers rushing through our house – which is the only way into our backyard. Was he airlifted out by a silent helicopter? we asked. Did he replace the patio furniture before taking off? If so, we certainly do owe him some money because that was just damned considerate.

As it turns out, he fell off of a different building which stands behind ours and over a fence. We rarely keep our patio furniture (or legal liability) in our neighbor's yard, which explained why we were unaware of the episode. The address of the offending building sports a different number and street name, so it is unclear why they addressed their complaint to us, but such are the mysteries of Time Warner. Perhaps our neighbor doesn't have cable and the cable guy got the wrong building in the first place.

We were relieved to hear it was not our building, but disappointed that we could not respond by telling them we would appear in court between the hours of 9am and 7pm on the date specified, but only if someone over 18 took the day off work to wait.

This story has nothing to do with these two cartoons, of course, but then neither does anything else. Hope you enjoyed them and it all the same.

Apple Knocker

Bizarro is brought to you today by Those Darn Kids.

Our first cartoon today is another collaboration with my good buddy, Wayno. We're both fans of Magritte and although I've done a couple of takes on his famous "This is Not a Pipe" painting, I thought this one was original enough to use the theme again. I might get a small version of this tattoo myself, someday. Here's Wayno's description of the experience.

My caveman cartoon was dreamed up by a good friend Cliff's son, Emilio, so he got a byline. He and his dad were talking about knock knock jokes and surmised that cavemen wouldn't be good at it since they didn't have doors and would not know what a "knock" was. An odd idea and odd enough to inspire me to do a cartoon about it. Emilo's younger brother, Nicco, wrote a cartoon for me a while back, too.




Know a goth couple who just had a kid? This is the perfect gift for them! You can find it and tons of other useful products with jillions of Bizarro cartoons on them by clicking this.

Comes in other colors, too! Wow!

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Off With...

Bizarro is brought to you today by Signage.

After this published, I got a few emails from people asking if I knew I had misspelled "pumpkin." Even if I hadn't know it, my editor would have caught it, which she did and checked with me to make sure it was intentional. I told her what I'm telling you now – yes, it was intentional. I wanted to make it look like one of those hand-made signs in the country which you often see along American highways which, in my experience, are frequently misspelled, so I did this to add a touch of realixm.

Nonetheless, the actual joke is in the other sign so let's just drop it.

Got big deadlines today, so I'm cutting this short. Anyone see HBO's "Boardwalk Empire" last night night? It's getting gooooood.

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Bizarro Merch!

If you're on of those peoples who buys stuff during this time of year and gives it away, why not consider buying some nifty shwag with Bizarro cartoons on it? Oh yes you can! It happens here, each year listed has a variety of cartoons to choose from and about a moziglion products you can put them on.

http://www.cafepress.com/bizarrostuff/4171562


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Ape Love

(click on these cartoons for the biggest view you can get!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sexy Vegetables.

Today I offer you a couple of Sunday cartoons, one from last week and one from 2000. "Dave's Auto Repair" is one that my buddy Cliff and I dreamed up while we were tripping on Yak dung in the Himalayas. Once each year, Cliff and I pick some spot on the planet at random, buy a one-way ticket there, bring no money or luggage, then try to figure out a way to earn enough money to get home. We find that it is a real character-building experience. This year's trip involved eating Yak dung, but that's a story for another time.











I chose this old cartoon from the archives because I thought it was kooky and fun. If you know anything about "imprinting," you'll agree that if a human child was raised exclusively by apes in an environment devoid of humans, as Tarzan supposedly was, he would likely be sexually attracted to apes instead of humans. Mrrrow!

I enjoyed drawing these characters and the family photos on the wall, too. It's also worth noting that this cartoon is rife with "secret symbols." There are about 18 or 19 in this one, if you don't count the incomplete ones, like the bunny ears on the carpet that don't really make an entire bunny. I may have been tripping on Yak dung the day I drew this one, too. I can't remember. That's one of the regrettable side effects of Yak dung consumption.*

*Legal disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to encourage anyone to consume the dung of any animal. Or flesh or mammary secretions (dairy), either, for that matter.

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Watching

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Sudsy Feet.

After I published my previous post about the sort of TV shows I truly hate, many readers asked what shows I like. Some people are always trying to look on the bright side of things, declare the glass half full, pointing out the silver lining, filling the shoes with chocolate feet. (I made that last one up but I think it works.)

So here follows a list of shows I am addicted to, in no particular order. I watch TV every night, I fully admit. Some may say I watch TV too much, but I also read every night and exercise every day, so it all evens out. (If lifting a bottle of scotch can be considered exercise, and I am pretty certain it can. Especially when it's full.)

Comedy:
East Bound and Down (HBO) Kenny and Stevie rule!
Weeds (Showtime) Rent the first season, watch it from the beginning. So great.
Californication (Showtime) Great writing, acerbic humor.
Bored to Death (HBO) Not brilliant, but funny and anything with Zach Galifianakis is worth watching. Ted Danson is great in this, too. (Met Zach once and he was already a fan of Bizarro. I peed my pants a little.)
Community (NBC) Major network sit-com, but give it a chance from the first episode. Great comedy writing and characters. Senor Chang is classic.
Raising Hope (FOX) very strange characters, Cloris Leachman is brilliant, as is Garret Dillahunt as Burt.
Children's Hospital (Cartoon Network, Adult Swim) Rob Corddry created it and stars. So weird.
Louie (FX) Louie C.K.'s avant-garde sit-com.
Modern Family (ABC) One of the funniest sit-coms to come out of a major network in ages. Ty Burrell is brilliant.
30 Rock (NBC) Entire cast is brilliant, the writing is top notch.

Drama:
Dexter (Showtime) See the first season.
Mad Men (AMC) Watch from the beginning, truly top notch. (CHNW and I ran into John Hamm in a restaurant once, got to talking and had dinner with him. Super sweet guy. This was years before he was famous. Weird coincidence.)
Breaking Bad (AMC) Possibly the best drama on TV in ten years or more. My opinion, of course. Definitely watch it from the beginning, don't just drop in on it.
True Blood (HBO) A complete lark, a guilty pleasure. Not brilliant, but tons o' fun. Could be considered a comedy, too.
Damages (FX) First season is brilliant.
Rubicon (AMC) Fairly new show, I'm really digging it. Watch from beginning, very complex plot.
Boardwalk Empire (HBO) Terrific show with the sort of long term appeal of Sopranos.
Terriers (FX) A new show that I've really fallen in love with. Great characters and acting.
FlashForward (ABC) I was really hooked on this show but I'm told it got canceled. Damn.

I used to be hooked on Keith Oberman every night, but politics sicken me and I find that I'm much less agitated if I ignore them altogether. So many crazy, frightened people in the world. I can't look any more.

There are a few others I watch but those above make up my "must see" list. Of course, it goes without saying (then why am I saying it?) that anything with Ricky Gervais is a must see. Extras on HBO (I'm not sure if they're making that anymore), the original "The Office" from BBC or whoever (the America version is good, too, but I've never gotten hooked on it because I think it pales in comparison to the British one), any talk show, awards show, or guest appearance. No one funnier in the world. Russell Brand is always worth my time, too, as is Zach Galifianakis and a few others.

Feel free to suggest your favorites. Not that I have any room in my schedule, but you never know when something might get canceled.

This post is too long. It's verging on the stupidity of all those millions of Tweets that document utterly unimportant and self indulgent information. Ick.

Oh yeah, hope you enjoyed today's cartoons.