Confused Readers, Drunk Editors

(click the pic to make it big)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Dating Advice.

I admit this cartoon is a little opaque. I got a few emails wondering what it meant, which was not a surprise. I was thinking that the dog sees Rorschach images and interprets them as messes on the floor, to which he replies, "Bad dog." The man rewards the dog for his performance.

One odd thing I only just noticed while posting this is that in the fourth panel, there is a comma behind the "Bad dog," instead of a period. This was a mistake on my part and I'm surprised my editors didn't catch it and ask me about it. Or maybe they fixed it in the version that went to papers and forgot to tell me. Or maybe they were drunk and thought they'd told me. Or maybe they did tell me and I was drunk. Life presents so many possibilities.

If any of you had a different interpretation of this gag when you first saw it, let me know. I enjoy hearing about the way reader's minds work.

P.S. I drink, but I never get drunk. At least not on purpose. I have no idea how often my editors get drunk.

Suntan in the Snow

Bizarro is brought to you today by Head Games.

Last weekend I was in Florida for three days doing a talk, visiting with family, and sitting outside without a shirt. The next day I was looking out the window of my apartment here in Brooklyn at great wads of snow falling from the sky. Three days later and it is still snowing. The forecast has it continuing for a few more days yet.

It seems surreal to go from a sunny, warm climate to a snowy one in a single day, because it is. We only recently gained the ability to do this, so it is only natural that it seems unnatural. A few times in my life I have traveled to the other side of the globe and the feeling when I returned was very strange. My mind resists fully grasping the concept that yesterday afternoon I was in Bangkok, now I'm in Texas. It's enough to whiplash the sense right out of you.

Here is a picture of my backyard today.













To more pressing issues, who killed this snowman?

CONTEST #19 WINNERS!!

This was a spirited contest this week, lots of entries and a good time was had by all. Our winners this week are as follows:
Grand Prize!!!!...Megan
2nd Prize!!!...Spyra
3rd Prize!!...Marcello

Both our second and third place winners are previous winners, but I think Megan is new. Many congrats to the winners and everyone who played. If you want to see the winning answers as Megan submitted it, click here.

If you'd like to see the answers graphically displayed in high-tech, click here.

Tune in tomorrow and every day for more monkey shines, and next Thursday for another contest!

CONTEST #19

FIRST PERSON TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE BELOW AND POST THE ANSWERS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION WINS! HURRY!

RULES, ETC:
As usual, two images are posted below, one is the original cartoon, the warped image beneath it has been changed in 15 ways. Your mission, if you are the disco royalty that I think you are, is to find those differences.

1. There are 15 differences between the two cartoons.
2. NONE of the differences have to do with the warped nature of the second image.
3. ALL of the differences are something missing, added, or moved, not just "bent" from the distortion. The differences will not be too subtle, so once you spot one you should be relatively certain you've found it. (As opposed to something like, "Is the hat on this one is a shade lighter than the other one? Hmmm.")
4. FIRST PERSON to correctly list the 15 differences in the comments section of the post wins 4 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards, mailed by me personally from Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn. I'll even lick the stamp, unless it's self adhesive. SECOND AND THIRD persons with correct answers will each get 2 packs of Bizarro Trading Cards!
5. Put your email address on your comment so I can contact you if you win. I won't post it or keep it or file it or sell it or mount a Broadway musical about it.
6. If you live outside the U.S., I may not be able to send you a prize. Depends. Canada is probably fine, Saudia Arabia, probably not.

Click on the image below to ENLARGE and PLAY!

Contest TONIGHT, Cartoon Right Now

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Assassin's Handbook.

I've often wondered who first thought of the tear-off-a-strip-of-paper ad. It really was a stroke of genius: simple, effective, inexpensive. It caught on like wildfire and swept the world, whoever first came up with it must feel very proud. They've done more for the world than most politicians ever will.

My good friend, Cliff, came up with this idea. I don't know why. Cliff spends most of his time in a teepee outside of Dickshooter, Idaho, and occasionally an idea for a cartoon will pop into his head and he'll mail it to me on a postcard.

Later today will be another cartoon contest. I'll post it at 7pm Eastern Time. I hope you will play.

Laws of Nature and Beyond

Bizarro is brought to you today by Better Living Through Force.

I haven't much to say about this GPS cartoon other than I hope everyone understood it. The idea was that the GPS led them to a cliff above their destination, then instructed them to drive off the edge. It seemed funny when I thought of it, but I'm not sure about the final result. I like GPSs but I don't like the voice. I prefer to just use the map part, like the one on my phone, and find my own way. I don't trust the robot voice to always know the best way.

At long last I am back in front of my computer where I belong. I went to Florida this past weekend with CHNW. I was hired to do a speech for a humanist group down there, the Center For Inquiry folks, and had a great time. Good people, smart questions, laughed a lot, took me to lunch after. What's not to like?

After the talk on Saturday, CHNW, her dad and I drove to an interesting little place called Ybor City where we hit some shops and had a beer. In old timey times there was a big cigar factory there where hundreds of people hand-rolled cigars all day. The tradition continues as there are cigar shops all over the place and a few people sitting in storefront windows rolling away. If you're into cigars, this is a real treat.

This pic at left was taken with my iPhone and I think it turned out pretty swell.

Even if you're not into cigars, it is strange to see so many smoke-friendly establishments within
the borders of our law-infested land. Smoking is so uniformly despised in the U.S., even outdoors, that walking down 7th Street in Ybor City feels more like Cuba than Florida. I often get chastised by friends and fans for smoking cigars, but I try to be considerate. I usually smoke at home and never smoke around crowds of any kind unless I'm walking quickly. I figure if my passing by with a cigar is enough to set someone off, they need more help than anti-smoking laws can give them.

Lots of things annoy me momentarily in public – bad music, mullets, cologne, confederate flags, cigarettes(they smell very different from cigars because they are crap tobacco and full of chemicals), people wearing fur, the smell of someone's fastfood, people who talk too loud on cell phones, defenders of Dick Cheney, the way everyone but me drives – but I just figure that's the price of leaving my house.

I cannot imagine a society in which we legislate against everything that briefly annoys someone. This encyclopedia of signs at a playground in Sarasota springs to mind. Looks like fun, doesn't it?

Cartoon Bullets

(To enlarge this image, click on the Calvin Klein umbrella.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Gifts.

It used to be that when I would see an old man dressed particularly badly I would wonder if I would one day be that man. Now I think it is more likely that he never cared about the way he looked in the first place, or just has lousy taste. People don't change all that much when they get old. But on many occasions I have pointed at strangers and asked my wife to shoot me if I become that guy.

Here's a bit of oddness: The day after this cartoon appeared in papers, I received the following email.

"I dont like how you put guns in your comics, espically on Valentines Day

- (man's name) for my daughter who is 11"

That was the whole thing. I usually answer all of the mail I get, positive or negative, but this one stumped me. I have no idea what to say to this man and his daughter. I want to ask so many questions.

• How about knives, can I show a person chopping onions with a knife?
  
• Are sticks okay?
  
• Is there a day other than Valentine's Day when a cartoon gun would be less offensive?
  
• Have you ever heard of words like "humor," "satire," "hyperbole," "unrealistic desires to control a world which is essentially a festival of random chaos heading downhill without brakes," "choose your battles"?

My sincere apologies to anyone who finds ink strokes in the shape of a gun in a cartoon offensive. Next time, I'll use a potato.

"If I ever try to leave the house dressed like that, point a harmless tuber at me."