Piraro Meets Larson

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sex, Violence, and Illegal Aliens.

Here is a completely true story that I don't believe I've ever mentioned in a public way before.

In 1981, I was 23 and working as a rookie ad designer for Neiman Marcus in Dallas, Tx. (Their headquarters, believe it or not.) I was drawing cartoons simply to entertain myself during downtime and my coworkers encouraged me to get them published. I hadn't seen a comics section of the newspaper in years and thought there was no place for anything more surreal than Marmaduke. But one of them brought in a cartoon from a newcomer, Gary Larson, called "The Far Side". I'd never seen his work before and was surprised that newspapers were, in fact, publishing the sort of cartoons that previously had only been seen in magazines. So I decided to submit my work.

I sent work to the 8 or 10 cartoon syndicates whose addresses I could find at the public library (NO INTERNET!!) and got encouraging responses, but no "takers". One day, I got a phone call from an editor at Chronicle Features in San Francisco, the same syndicate that gave Larson his start. He said he liked my work a lot but since they were selling Larson's work and it was only just then starting to catch on with editors, they didn't feel they had the resources to push another feature in the same category. But he wanted me to keep submitting new work so he could see how I was progressing.

We kept in touch and I sent in new work every month or so. A couple of years later, in 1984, I got a call from them saying that Larson had jumped to another syndicate and that now they had room for me. I was ecstatic. This began a several-month period of my submitting work, them editing it, giving suggestions, and generally grooming me for a daily gig.

During this grooming period, I happened to see an ad in the paper saying that Gary Larson would be appearing for a book signing at a local shopping mall bookstore. I was extremely shy with strangers back then, but decided to go meet him and see what he could tell me about the syndicate he had just left and I was about to join.

When I arrived, it was one of those small, narrow bookstores you see in the typical suburban mega-mall, and at the entrance of the shop was an average looking guy with round, wire frame glasses sitting by himself at a folding table with a stack of books. No one was speaking to him. I introduced myself by saying something like, "I'm Dan Piraro, I've been hired by (editor's name) to replace you at Chronicle Features." He smiled at this and said, "replace me, huh?"

He was a very nice, soft spoken, quiet sort of guy and he answered my questions about syndication. He vouched for Chronicle Features and their editors and said he'd had no complaints about them at all, but that he decided that now that his work was starting to gain some momentum, a bigger syndicate with a larger sales force seemed like a good business move. His words were something to the effect of, "I have no idea how long this is going to last so I figure I have to make as much as I can while I am able."

He fully expected his popularity to wane and wanted to make the most of it, which seemed logical at the time, neither of us knowing what an epic career lay ahead for him. I chatted with him for perhaps half an hour, during which time he signed and sold maybe three books. He hated that first book tour so much that I believe he never did another. I've sat at lonely tables in bookstores, too, and I don't blame him.

I saw Gary only once more, about ten years later, at the funeral of one of our mutual editors. Afterward, we smiled and reminisced about the bookstore meeting and it turned out the "replace you" line was what he remembered most. By this time, he lived in a huge, gated property outside Seattle with attack dogs roaming the grounds like Mr. Burns of "The Simpsons". I was still in a normal house in a normal neighborhood in Dallas, of course. I had a Papillon that roamed the yard from time to time, but it wasn't really the same.

I hadn't thought of that incident in years until it sprang into my head last night like a ninja from the past. Just thought you might enjoy it.

Facing It

Bizarro is brought to you today by camouflage.

One of my father's-in-law and I were driving through Florida recently, saying things with our mouths and we came across this idea of having your eye teeth dilated. So I made a comic about it. I'm blessed with funny in-laws all around, so it's fun to visit CHNW's family.

I'm happy with the character who is speaking in this cartoon because he actually looks like he's thinking about the way his food tastes. Achieving the proper facial expression is important to me and is something that comes from experience. It's a difficult and subtle art, moving an eyelid up or down, or a mouth a fraction one way or another can completely change the character's expression. You just have to do it enough to develop an intuition about it.

Somebody who has tons of great opinions about character design is John K, the dude who did Ren and Stimpy. I spend lots of time on his blog, just because it's fascinating. No modern animator that I know of has John's amazing level of expertise and talent. I often wish I'd worked for him when I was young instead of getting into newspaper comics. But I've had a good run and have no complaints.

KOMEDY WITH A K

One more mention of the awesome comedy show I'm MCing in NYC this week. If you're in the area and you like funny things, this is the deal you want to see. All of our comics are headliners, you'll never see this many bigtime TV comics on the same stage again without having to wear a tuxedo. And ALL the money goes to rescued critters!

Dave Attel
Louis C.K.
Wyatt Cenac from The Daily Show
Lizz Winstead creator of The Daily Show
Gary Gulman
and ME.

Tickets, info, and more laughing pig pictures: http://woodstockfas.org/events.shtml

Gag Trance

(You want to view this bigger, you can click it)
Bizarro is brought to you today by Wedding Tragedy.

Here is a weird little idea that came from who-knows-where. I like this kind of gag because it is unconventional, affords some interesting visuals, touches on a modern social issue, and makes me smile. It's hard to write cartoons that do all of those things at once, so when I am blessed with one, I'm happy.

Writing cartoons is an odd activity. Since I don't have regular characters or story lines, I start with a completely blank page each time and nothing to build on. I search the web for pictures or info or ideas that spark something in me, then let my mind wander. To the casual observer, I'm doing nothing, just sitting at my desk staring into space like a cat. It resembles catalepsy. But inside my head, an entire road crew is shoveling, digging, hammering, rearranging, paving, destroying, building, and sweating like wrestlers in the hot sun.

On another topic, does anyone know how to build a disintegrator ray? There is a car parked across the street from my building whose car alarm has been going off every thirty minutes since last night. Nothing will wake you from a catatonic cartoon-writing state like a car alarm.

Stress Can Kill

Bizarro is brought to you today by Early Parasailing.

Here's my shot at advocating organ donation. When you die, you won't be using your organs anymore, why not donate them to a church whose choir is forced sing a cappella?

Speaking of potatoes, I like doing Mr. Potato Head gags, as do many other cartoonists, but I am troubled by the fact that this kind of gag requires me to draw the potatoes so enormous. Technically, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head should be the size of actual potatoes. It's quite a dilemma and causes me great anxiety.

This is what passes for work-related stress for me. Pretty sad.

Smart Apes

Bizarro is brought to you today by Ebony and Ivory.

Is there nothing to see here? Really?

One might have thought that there was nothing much left of racism in America until recently. Racism is a very primitive impulse, at one time in our distant past, it was beneficial to distrust those not from your "tribe." And while most of us have evolved to see the foolishness in that kind of thinking in modern society, there are still plenty of us who operate from the primitive parts of our brains. This kind of grunting, chest-beating throwback to our hairier ancestors rises and falls throughout history and so I suspect that this current wave, too, shall pass. Let's hope no serious casualties result in the meantime.

I often wish that "intelligent design" were true, so that our species might behave more intelligently.

This cartoon has nothing to do with racism, of course, it's just been on my mind lately. Tomorrow, a funnier post.

AMAZING COMEDY

One week from today, April 1st, I'll be appearing in a terrific comedy show in NYC benefiting Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. We have an amazing lineup (myself notwithstanding) and have just added Lizz Winstead, a true hero in the comedy world.

Lizz co-created The Daily Show, served as head writer, and hired such talents as Stephen Colbert and Lewis Black. She's also a well-known, national headlining comedian appearing on HBO, and in The Aspen Comedy Festival.

You won't get a lineup of headliners like this (myself notwithstanding) in any other single comedy show, I guarantee. And all the money goes to a great cause.

Get tickets here or suffer the consequences!