Cuss Bus Pink

Bizarro is brought to you today by Intimacy.

I was at the Ohio State University Festival of Cartoon Art over the weekend and my oh my what a dandy it was. They do this thing every three years, there are only about 250 tickets sold, and the majority of attendees are cartoonists and serious collectors and aficionados. Also in attendance were Matt Groening, Art Spiegelman, Bill Griffith, Roz Chast, Patrick McDonnell, James Sturm, Jen Sorensen, Jan Eliot, Dave Kellett, Tom Gammill, Tony Cochran, and Steve Breen. I'm sure I forgot someone, please forgive me. It was a great honor to be able to tipple with some of my heroes, particularly Groening, Spiegelman, Griffith and Chast – all four are legends of intelligent humor, something that is always in danger of extinction in this reality-show, increasingly lowbrow world.

About this passel of cartoons I've posted today to catch up: "Adult Spelling Bee" is an idea I originally published in the 90s, I think. I came across it in my archives while looking for something else and thought it was a good idea and could be done better with a little tweaking, so I rewrote it a bit and redrew it.

Because I'm compiling cartoons for my super hero collection coming out in the spring, I'm still writing super hero gags. The one about the bus is a fantasy I've had many times. I loathe sitting next to strangers on public transportation, especially talkative ones, and will do almost anything to avoid it. I'm a friendly guy, but I can't stand small talk and think few things are worse than sitting next to a chatty traveler on a long flight.





The Mothman cartoon was a collaboration with my young teenage friend, Victor. It's colored that sickening pink because it was part of a breast cancer awareness project that King Features sponsored. All of King's cartoonists were asked to color their comics pink on Sunday, October 10. They asked me to do the poster for it. I'm not a fan of cancer research and don't like supporting it monetarily because a lot of that money goes toward torturing lab animals. If humans ate vegan diets there would be substantially less cancer, but rather than inconvenience ourselves or stop doing something we enjoy, we torture and kill millions of innocent beings every year in an attempt to find ways to survive eating the wrong foods. In spite of my objections, I participated in this project because it doesn't give money to the cause directly, but mostly reminds people to get screenings so they can catch it early. Just my take on it, whatever.

Thanks to Victor for his help on Mothman, I may recolor it for the book. The pink kind of turns my stomach.

Music, Animals, Lawn

This past Saturday evening was our Sean Lennon concert at Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. It was "far out," as the kids say.

Sean's band is called The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger and consists of him and his lady friend, Charlotte Kemp Muhl. Sean plays guitar and sings, Charlotte plays just about everything else in the world and sings, too. The surprising thing is that in spite of being a gorgeous model, she's actually really good. Guitar, bass, accordion, dingy dongy bell thing, and banjo, she adds to each song like a pro. And her voice is nice, too. Even more surprising is that Sean started teaching her to play music just two years ago.

The two of them were delightful people, not stuck up or diva-ish or snotty or privileged or arrogant or hairy like warthogs or gooey like those toys you used to get out of gumball machines that stick to the wall when you throw them, then slowly crawl downward. They were friendly and smart and cool. Such a pleasure.

The music was great, too. Sean's voice is lovely, occasionally reminiscent of his father's – which has a heartbreaking quality that is unavoidable to those of us who enjoyed his music during his lifetime – but is overall his own, and his songs are melodic with the kind of clever turn-of-phrase lyrics I've always associated with the name "Lennon." TGSTT has an acoustic album coming out in the fall, I'll be pimping it on this blog. If it's as nice as what I heard on the lawn at the sanctuary this weekend, it'll be worth pointing at your ears.

Afterward, in the farmhouse, I found out that Sean is a big fan of cartoons and a very talented artist himself. He and Charlotte do all the graphics for the band themselves and Sean does a fair amount of freehand drawing that is pretty impressive. He dreamed of being a cartoonist but became a musician, I dreamed of being a musician but became a cartoonist; the perfect basis for party chat.

Next month we're having a Moby concert at the farm, hope some of you local folks can make it.

Fun For You and Me

Here are some things I wanted to tell you about my side project: Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary.

We have another dandy concert coming up at the farm. A few weeks back, Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders was there, this time it's Sean Lennon (spawn of John and Yoko) and Charlotte Kemp Muhl, who call themselves Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger. The farm is about 2 hours north of NYC, just outside of Woodstock, NY, easy to get to by bus from Port Authority, easy to find by car or helicopter.

These concerts are extremely intimate, only a couple of hundred tickets are allowed to be sold, so it's a great way to see an artist up-close while relaxing on the lawn. Other notable artists are opening the show, check out info and tickets here. CHNW and I hope to see you there!

Next, each year various reader-voted awards are given out by VegNews magazine, for whom I used to write a monthly column. I'd like to encourage you to go online and vote for Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary as "best animal sanctuary" or whatever the category is called. You have to vote for at least 50% of the categories for your vote to count, so here are a few more nominees that are supporters of our efforts at WFAS if you'd like to help out with them, too. Vote here.

Look for Girlie Girl Army, The Discerning Brute, Crazy Sexy Life, MooShoes, Vegan Treats, Blossom Restaurant, Arbonne Cosmetics, Organic Nectars, Isa Chandra Moskowitz (Post Punk Kitchen), Sunflour Baking Company (cookies) and Mercy For Animals in other categories. Hope I didn't forget anyone but I bet I did.

Thanks, blogolians!

THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

So here it is President's Day and Valentine's Day back-to-back. Who can afford all of the presents for both such important holidays, especially in this sluggish economy?!

The solution is to get that special someone (and yourself) a Bizarro iPhone app! Boy, am I excited about it! I've been working for months with some very cool app designers here in NYC and we've come up with a new innovation in the comics-for-phones field!

Previously, with other comics apps, you could only buy a given number of cartoons and cram them into your phone and when you'd seen them all, that was that. Could take you ten minutes, could take you ten years.

With the Bizarro app, a NEW COMIC is added EVERY DAY! (The same comic that appears in newspapers.) PLUS, at any given time there is a YEAR'S ARCHIVE of comics that can be accessed super easy and fast from a handy-dandy calendar page. You can also click to access bio info about me (oh! so funny!), info about Bizarro (more humor!), and a help link if pushing buttons on a phone ends up being more than you can handle. Also, you can shoot an email to your other cool friends who might like this app, and you can leave comments. Last, but not least, you can
click to access this very ever-lovin' blog.

ALL FOR ONLY $1.99 PER YEAR! How can we give all of these laughs, drawings, insights, and life-changing experiences away for only $1.99 per year? I'm not sure, I'll have to ask them about raising the price to something more appropriate, like $10K per week. But for now, the price is DEAD CHEAP, so don't miss it!

As you can see from the graphic below, the home page is super long, so scroll down, amigos!

MAY I READ MORE ABOUT IT NOW?
YES! READ MORE ABOUT IT NOW!





Click it to big it...

Twofer Friday!

Bizarro is brought to you today by Twofers and Grelcoes.

Since my Internet was mysteriously missing yesterday and I could not post the weekly Thursday contest thing, I am offering you TWO cartoons today. That's just how I roll.

The first is about an actual clinically tested therapeutic technique called "make believe." It has been proven that many people with low self esteem can experience relief just by pretending to be somebody or something that they consider desirable. Some experts say this is why renaissance faires exist.




The next cartoon is about the wonders of Botox. Nicole Kidman has had wads of it shot into her forehead and now most of her face doesn't move when she smiles. It's creepy as hell, but in a youthful, attractive way.

That's all for today Bizarro Rangers. Enjoy this Friday and that weekend.

The God Box

Bizarro is brought to you today by Circular Thinking.

I recently saw Julia Sweeney's ("Pat" on SNL years ago) one-woman show "Letting Go of God," and was very impressed. Like me, she was raised Catholic in a pretty seriously Catholic family. Being indoctrinated from infancy into any religion is a powerful thing and can affect the rest of your life. Julia's show is about how seriously she takes matters of spirituality and her journey to discover the meaning of it all. I recommend it if the subject interests you. It got rave reviews, which are well deserved.

I met Julia once in the greenroom of a small theater in NYC in which we were both performing in the same variety/comedy show. I think we are about the same age and I now know that our spiritual journeys have been remarkably similar. We both were raised to take religion seriously, which we did, then spent years of our adulthood educating ourselves in an attempt to make sense of it all.

This cartoon has nothing to do with her show or that journey, I just wanted to mention it. This cartoon is simply a humorous take on confessional booths, which, for those unfamiliar with the peculiarities of Catholicism, are small wooden booths in which you speak to a priest through a tiny window. The idea is that you tell him your sins and he gets god to forgive you.

My first trip to one of these booths was in the first grade. We were taught what to say and do and led into the booth to kneel before a screened window and tell a stranger (the priest on the other side of the wall) our "sins." Most six-year-olds have very few sins, of course, so the exercise is primarily meant to teach you submission and instill in you a deep-seated sense of guilt and self loathing. This sort of ritualistic Big Brother mentality can screw up a person for life. And it does, as I can attest and Julia explains so articulately in her show.

The good news is that you can find release from these ghosts if you work at it. Eventually, you can get out of the box.

Celebrities and Broken Stuff Glued to Walls

A couple nights ago CHNW and I joined Alicia Silverstone at a swanky vegan restaurant in NYC to celebrate the release of her dandy new book, The Kind Diet. Take a look at the cover, linked to the title above, Alicia looks cute and sexy, because she is, and my wife, CHNW, says the book is awesome. We got our copy autographed, of course, but I asked her to sign it, "Batgirl," instead of her regular name.













While there, I ran into SHOWBUSINESS COMEDY GOD, David Steinberg. I was familiar with his stand-up comedy way back in the day, and his copious writing, directing and producing since then, but I had no idea he's a longtime vegan. Yay. He, too, was cute and sexy. Super friendly guy with whom I would LOVE to be friends, but I didn't get his contact info. If anyone knows David, tell him to email me.

And, as an added bonus, here's a picture (NOT taken on an iPhone in poor light) of CHNW at the famous mosaic garden on Philly's South Street a few weeks ago. Go see this place, it is huge, masterful and inspiring. (The mosaic garden, not CHNW. While often inspiring, she is by no means huge.)

I Am a Twit

Bizarro is brought to you today by The Joy of Fatherhood.

Twitter is sweeping the nation and not a moment too soon, the nation is a mess. (Get it? "Sweeping" can also mean using a broom to tidy up.)

Twitter is using a broom to tidy up the nation and thank goodness. I was wondering when I would be able to read the random thoughts of random people in 140 characters or less. Like most cynical, too-cool-for-school hipsters, I eschewed Twitter, thinking it bourgeois and therefore, beneath me.

But then a friend talked me into trying it and now I'm hooked. Not hooked the way "the kids" these days are, writing random thoughts down hour by hour and reading the random thoughts of others. I just write something once a day or so and read a few of the Tweets of people I'm following. And not hooked the way a fanboy might be, drooling over Kim Kardashian's report about her trip to the dry cleaners. (I don't know if Kardashian is a Twit or not, so I went to Twitter and searched her name. I found millions of Tweets mentioning her name, one of which led to this link, for some odd reason. So there is some valuable information to be found on Twitter.)

I started Twirping a few weeks ago, mentioning my daily blog topic or something funny I'd seen or thought of. It's kind of fun and a few of the people I follow have interesting links in their Twaps, too.

All I'm saying is, I could live without it but I can see the fascination. Like chartreuse.

If you want to follow me on Twitter, my Twat is pirarobizarro. It's free, there's no obligation, and no representative will call. What are you waiting for? Grab a broom and join us. The nation needs sweeping.

Old School Thigh Master

Bizarro is brought to you today by Saw VIII: Bleeding From The Ears.

I have to admit I'm really pleased with this joke. It's a simple idea based on an iconic game of childhood innocence and curiosity, but with the addition of a single word becomes dark and disturbing. What more can one ask of a cartoon?

Speaking of dark and disturbing, I turned on TV last night to watch Hardball and Countdown and it happened to be tuned to some show called "Extra" on NBC. Within seconds I could see that it was a faux news show about celebrities, that generation of mutant journalism that I think "Entertainment Tonight" started.

The three, beautiful, twenty-something meat puppets hosting "Extra" were in the middle of a stiffly scripted "disagreement" over something Suzanne Somers uttered about Patrick Swayze's cancer treatment. One marionette thought Suzanne had a right to speak her mind, another thought it was too soon and she should have known better, the third thought she was wrong for saying anything but did the right thing by apologizing. Fascinating.

I know a lot of people watch these shows, you may be among them, and I do not wish to offend anyone kind enough to read this blog. But I can't stand them. I guess my revulsion begins in the premise that a celebrity's routines activities are elevated to the status of "news," and moves on through the mannequin performance of the cue-card-reading models who, by telling you about celebrities, become celebrities themselves. This concept is akin to a librarian becoming as famous as the authors of the books in her care.

Human fascination with celebrity is an interesting subject, the roots of which are deep within our evolution. Chimps have the same impulse within their own groups. In one behavioral study I read about, when given a choice between looking at a picture of a troupe leader or a food reward, they often chose the celebrity photo. How many American's would rather watch "Extra" or "ET" than eat a plate of nachos? Fortunately, as God's anointed species, we are not forced to choose and can simultaneously stuff our faces with Monterey Jack and Jacko. Still, I'd like to put some people in a cage and test this theory.

I'm not completely immune to the charm of celebrities myself, it is programmed into our DNA to a point, but I'm not interested in them enough to read magazines devoted to them or watch news shows about their hourly goings on.

And, for the record, I think Suzanne Somers should have said MORE about Patrick Swayze's treatment! Whatever the hell that means.

Until tomorrow...become a master of your own thighs.