Samson Drugs Teabagger

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We've all had a good time the last few days discussing our various beliefs about science, diet and cancer, but now it's time to get down to something serious: comedy.

What could be more blissful and relaxing than living in a pharmaceutical ad? You feel no anxiety, you don't have to pee, you can get an erection any time the mood strikes and you can eat like a pig without worrying about your cholesterol. Of course, there are encyclopedias of terrifying side effects to consider, but those are only represented in the dulcet tones of the voice over. Nothing bad ever happens in a pharmaceutical ad. Count me in!

Less euphoric is the world of luggage transportation. Even with the unbelievably recent addition of wheels (we've had luggage and the wheel for tens of thousands of years and it was the late 20th century before anyone thought to combine them!) one still has to schlep one's luggage up and down stairs, into cars, over curbs, onto the scales at the airport, etc. If I'm traveling with the full 49.9 lbs suitcase, I always return with a backache. One would think the legendary strongman, Samson, would be immune to such human weakness, but along comes Samsonite.

Speaking of catastrophe, I'm trying hard not to worry about the elections in a couple of weeks. I know that Americans will just hand the country back over to the party that took eight years to ruin it because the current party couldn't fix it in two years. It's a done deal. So I'm telling myself ahead of time that it's already happened, things will get worse, humans are a deeply flawed species, someday I'll die and none of it will matter.

Maybe I'll be surprised and American voters in sufficient numbers will just say no to Fox News, but I think that's unlikely so we might as well have some fun with it and elect a Mr. T impersonator or a masturbation-opposing witch. As long as you're destined to listen to morons on the news for x number of years, you might as well go for the craziest ones possible. That's entertainment!

Another comedy post tomorrow, I hope to see your eyes peering through the computer screen again then, except for those of you who are big fans of Fox News and swear me off for good.

Cancer Fuss

Yesterday's post garnered some criticism about my assertion that there would be less cancer if people ate vegan diets. I don't want to start a never-ending war of comments and I normally would answer this kind of thing in the comments section itself, but this seemed important enough to post about. As requested, here is a link to one of many articles that supports my comment:

http://www.pcrm.org/resch/edresources/nutr_curr/nutr_curr_2.html

There are many other studies cited on that site, which is run by Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, not fringe animal rights activists. I just wanted respond to the accusation that I am spouting off irresponsibly or without evidence. Each person's ethical code is their own business, of course, but mine does not allow the intentional victimization of another for my own benefit, except in cases of self defense against that other being. So I don't believe in torturing others to cure ourselves. That's just me, your results may vary and objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

In short, according to medical information I've read: yes, cancer has numerous causes, susceptibility is genetic, and diet can strongly affect your chances of getting it and recovering from it.

Cuss Bus Pink

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I was at the Ohio State University Festival of Cartoon Art over the weekend and my oh my what a dandy it was. They do this thing every three years, there are only about 250 tickets sold, and the majority of attendees are cartoonists and serious collectors and aficionados. Also in attendance were Matt Groening, Art Spiegelman, Bill Griffith, Roz Chast, Patrick McDonnell, James Sturm, Jen Sorensen, Jan Eliot, Dave Kellett, Tom Gammill, Tony Cochran, and Steve Breen. I'm sure I forgot someone, please forgive me. It was a great honor to be able to tipple with some of my heroes, particularly Groening, Spiegelman, Griffith and Chast – all four are legends of intelligent humor, something that is always in danger of extinction in this reality-show, increasingly lowbrow world.

About this passel of cartoons I've posted today to catch up: "Adult Spelling Bee" is an idea I originally published in the 90s, I think. I came across it in my archives while looking for something else and thought it was a good idea and could be done better with a little tweaking, so I rewrote it a bit and redrew it.

Because I'm compiling cartoons for my super hero collection coming out in the spring, I'm still writing super hero gags. The one about the bus is a fantasy I've had many times. I loathe sitting next to strangers on public transportation, especially talkative ones, and will do almost anything to avoid it. I'm a friendly guy, but I can't stand small talk and think few things are worse than sitting next to a chatty traveler on a long flight.





The Mothman cartoon was a collaboration with my young teenage friend, Victor. It's colored that sickening pink because it was part of a breast cancer awareness project that King Features sponsored. All of King's cartoonists were asked to color their comics pink on Sunday, October 10. They asked me to do the poster for it. I'm not a fan of cancer research and don't like supporting it monetarily because a lot of that money goes toward torturing lab animals. If humans ate vegan diets there would be substantially less cancer, but rather than inconvenience ourselves or stop doing something we enjoy, we torture and kill millions of innocent beings every year in an attempt to find ways to survive eating the wrong foods. In spite of my objections, I participated in this project because it doesn't give money to the cause directly, but mostly reminds people to get screenings so they can catch it early. Just my take on it, whatever.

Thanks to Victor for his help on Mothman, I may recolor it for the book. The pink kind of turns my stomach.

Retro Shrink Arms Nerd Speaker

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Gosh, it's good to be back at blogging. I've been busy as a very busy person this past week, out of town, suffering from inoperable hair loss, you name it. But now I'm back and blogging like a mofo, as the kids say.

Clifford, the retro caveman is a suggestion from my good friend, Cliff, so I named the character after him. He doesn't look anything like this, he looks more like this.

This cartoon with the doggy at the shrink was popular among shrinks. Several wrote to me about it which led to long email exchanges about my early childhood and feelings of inadequacy.

The long-armed doctor cartoon is one of those jokes that I wrote just to have a chance to draw a funny picture of a guy with very long arms. Every now and then that happens. Over the many years of my career, since the late 1900s, I've drawn an exaggerated version of just about every body part you can imagine. Except the naughty ones that god did not mean for us to acknowledge in public, of course. If we were not meant to be ashamed of parts of our bodies we wouldn't have been born into this word wearing underwear, I always say.

My last cartoon today is about a super hero calling himself "The Nerd." After this was published I thought I should have had a funnier line as a response. Something like, "I fill the inboxes of criminals with lame jokes." I'll likely change it to something like that for the book of super hero cartoons I have coming out in the spring.

Must get back to deadlines now, dear reader, for I am off to Columbus on Friday for Ohio State University's Festival of Cartoon Art at which I am a speaker.


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WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THIS

Just when I thought ventriloquism was corny and old hat...

Kryptonite Bulb Seuss

Bizarro is brought to you today by TONIGHT!

Wow, what a super bonus fun pack I have for you today! Our first illustration is an old header panel that I found in the archives. These things appear on the left side of my Sunday comic in some papers, so most people never get to see them. I also used this character (Psychic Salmon) on my website for a goofy fortune-telling page. Check it out here.

Now let's talk about this groovy Superman cartoon. I love it. The self-congratulatory nerd who has overcome Superman with his 99 cent phone app makes me laugh. And laughing is good. At the comedy gig I did last night I met an actress who is starring in the strange, controversial horror film, The Human Centipede, and has therefore been called upon to go to fantasy and comic conventions to publicize it. Some of her fans are even creepier than the movie.

This Edison cartoon garnered an email from a reader who said that Edison did not invent the light bulb, Tesla did. I know that Tesla was a genius on Edison's level, perhaps beyond, worked for Edison for a time and invented some things that Edison not only took credit for but never paid for, then went on to an illustrious career of his own. But I'm not sure the light bulb was one of those things. The electric motor that we still use all over the world today was Tesla's, that's all I can say for sure. If I had the stamina and motivation to look it up on Wikipedia, I could probably find the answer but it is Saturday morning and I'm feeling lazy. Either way, it's a cartoon not a history lesson, so Edison works for my purposes.

Lastly, is this odd Sunday cartoon from 2000, wherein I parody Seuss. I've been a huge fan of Dr. Seuss since I was learning to read and had a blast concocting this poem and drawing the characters. I thought you might enjoy having a look. If I was wrong, please don't say anything. It might hurt my feelings.

Have a weekend of grandeur, my friends.

OUR SUNDAY DATE

Boys, girls, men, women, undecided,

If you're like me, you're thinking, 'what can I do this Sunday that would be fun, rewarding and delicious?' The answer is only three words away: Come to Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary's annual Thanksliving event!

Here's what you get:
1. To wander around the farm on a beautiful fall day and see/touch the funny/cute animals. Including big, weird turkeys walking around among the guests.
2. To hear some people talk and play music in a big, comfy, heated tent, including some comedy stylings and cartoons by yours, truly.
3. To eat a many-course feast of world-class food while you're sitting comfortably in a chair and not cooking or cleaning up afterward.
4. To meet nice people, like me and CHNW, and hear us say how great it is that you came.
5. A silent auction and raffle with a lot of amazing products donated by amazing people and companies.
6. The warm heart-cockle feeling of knowing that you donated to help rescue and care for some jolly critters who really appreciate it.

Read more, buy tickets, come see us here.